Archive for November, 2014

What are you thankful for?

Posted: November 28, 2014 in Uncategorized

What are you thankful for?

I’m thankful for a couple of reasons.

1. being alive pass my 18th birthday

2. not picking up the bottle or drugs to self medicate

3. I have an interesting time around people I love and yet hate

4. I still have a reason to get up from bed, even thou I have days where I force myself to have a reason

5. I am not on the most wanted list

6. I have yet ended in jail or in an asylum

7. I’m 21

8. I can at least say that I do have a bright future ahead of me, because I have somewhere to escape to at the end of the day

9. I do have family that care, even though there’s days where they fuel my depression

10. I’m a creative who does awesome work

11. I have a future I want to have, which soon I will have

12. I want to be a mom, I basically want to give someone a very happy life and show them everything I wish I had. (this makes me thankful because it gives me hope that I can prove my life as more meaning than what I thought before)

13. I’m alive, and have wonderful people around me, even though 1/2 are also my enemies but they’re all that I have when it comes down to it.

I been speaking about my family as if they’re demons, but they’re not. I would usually be going into or already am in a depress state where anything said to me makes the pain so much worst. but then there’s times they plant the seeds and my mind and emotions just makes that seed grow into thorns. but heck I do love my family, even when 1/2 the time I want to put them 6ft under. I’m emotionally not right, or so people kept saying about me. at least I’m trying to get out of this hole I’m in. besides even though I don’t want any of my future kids to ever have my hell I would still have them meet my family. I might have issues with my family, but my child would never have feel this type of hatred I feel. also I just need time away from my family to really get myself right. I been living under a rock with them for so long, on top of that I’m scared of change  and everything around me. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. so once I’m away from my family I can finally find my ground and then after that I want kids. it’ll give me something to love with all my heart. I was always the settle down type, and now I have a chance. but before I have any children I need to make sure I am emotionally well before I bring a wonderful creature into a world where there’s hell from all sides.

Quick note

Posted: November 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

Quick note about my recent post “poem”
My kindle is acting up, so I couldn’t post the original post. Thank goodness I screenshot it before I tried to figure out the problem. I will be rewriting the whole poem later so you could see it the way it was supposed to be. Either way enjoy your day/night.

Poem

Posted: November 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

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It didn’t go through the first time, so thank goodness I screenshot it

I write what I want

Posted: November 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

Sketches of the week

Posted: November 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

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Internshp days 15-18

Posted: November 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

This week was an up and down roller coaster for me. In the one hand I got an email from my favorite company, Newbay Media, to be an unpaid intern who just does writing and some reading. At first I wanted the job but after speaking with my career adviser she shown a light stating how this isn’t right. The funny part is the “she” also kept saying to not take the job, and I was just ignoring her like always. I have yet emailed the company stating that after thinking about it I can not aspect this position. But anyway, also this week I got an awesome surprised from one of the designers there. So it turns out I’m going to be train to see if I could be place on the team. Of course I’m super happy and can’t wait to start next week. Also I will be working 4 days a week now.
So far I know I’m still going to be paid $8 an hour, but the fun part now I have a better chance at raising the $1500 faster because I can put in more hours. I already planned out how I’m going to break-down my weekly and daily budget. I’m happy that I’m going to be more of a design assistant compare to a intern. I’m happy I get more of some designing parts than just doing whatever someone needed help in.
But I do have some sad news. I got an email yesterday reminding me that the 6 months before I have to start paying back my student loads are ending up. I’m going to wait at least a week or two into December before asking for any chance of getting a raise, or being hired full-time.

So to be ready for my new role I’m practicing really hard with Adobe Illustrator and using my wacom tablet, since that what they usually use at my internship. Time to prove myself and hope they see I can be at their level of design; plus I pick up on tricks and skills easily, because I put them to work right away. Practice makes perfect, and putting what I learn to use right away is the best way to practice something new. Since repeating something is how we learn a new skill, so repeating the new skill right away helps me learn it even faster.

Insane moment

Posted: November 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

Today is interesting. I’m tired out of my mind, today’s my day off, I was woken up early so I could pay attention for when FedEx came to drop off a package (they still haven’t). So I’m in bed trying to stay warm and also daydreaming. I had moments where I hear bells, I snapped as if it was the door but it wasn’t, I know because the dog wasn’t barking. I’ve been watching too much ID that my imagination took me into a rape seen (movie frame). Just recently the phone was ringing, I truly believe I got up and picked up the phone and said “hello”. Seconds later the phone still ringing, which brought me back to reality.
Today I’m in and out of my mind that I’m having a friend trip. Best part no drugs are involved, I’m just tired and wanting to fully go to bed.
Tomorrow I will be posting what’s going on with my internship.