Archive for January, 2015

I’m Dying

Posted: January 30, 2015 in poetry
Tags: , , , , , , ,

as i sit here
watching the hours
fly by
my limbs feeling heavy
and my chest is aching
i look at the
pill bottle beside me
with blurring vision
trying to read
the distribution
wanting to know
how many will it take
to numb the pain
and be able to
wake from this nightmare
the phone across the table
screams for me to answer it
but what use is it
i already know it’s them
wanting to know
if i have yet met my end
i try to see the letters
to make out the words
but then i go forget it
and start to open the container
just before i empty out onto my hand
i start to question if
i’m doing the right thing
after all who would miss me
i am nothing more than useless to everyone
but than again why would they call
or is it just my boss
wanting to work me to the bone
i look again to that device
and wishfully hope it rings again
as the seconds past without a noise
i pile up the white numbing pain
and just as i about to take hold
the phone rings
and it is my mother crying to stop
now my death will have to wait another day
because someone will miss me

I’M STILL ALIVE!!

Posted: January 14, 2015 in Uncategorized

well i been feeling like crap, as usually. by the beginning of next month I need to start paying back student loans. i’m just hopping to finish a graphic design project by my birthday, so I can put on my portfolio. I been tired out to the point I stopped fighting. guess it’s because I started going out a lot, and ignoring my goals and dreams. one would think i’m happy because i’m doing things I wouldn’t normally do and leaving my frame of mind. sad enough because i’m leaving that i’m not focusing hard enough of what I really need to do. for example: I leave out of work close to 7pm (even thou I can easy leave at 5pm, which is when i’m suppose to leave), and when I get home I burry myself in social media and outside forces just to ignore the fact I have a lot on my plate.

by the end of this week i’m going to get myself a phone. from there I have to help pay for food, and also pay back my cousin. I don’t mind these things, i’ll glady do so. but I really need to get this graphic design project done so I can apply for a better job. better as in the field I really and always wanted to do, and also a bit more pay. yeah I started doing designs for the company I work now, but it’s taking me a long time because i’m helping them and then when I go on lunch I want nothing to do with them. so even if I do get a design position at my internship it would be a waste because I want to leave. I am completely tired and becoming weak.

time to pick up the slack and really get down to business, the way it was meant to be. i’m trying so hard to be happy that it’s not working, it makes the pain much worst. so i’m just going to focus on what is needed and stop trying so hard for nothing. I stress myself out so much that I put 110% on everything that when I realize it’s useless it’s hard to stop, and it brings me down.

sorry that this had to be my first blog of the year. I was hopping it would have been happier. oh i’m trying out making a youtube skit, but let’s see what happens. i’m also meeting new people and going to different places. trying new things. at least I ending this post on a happier note. 🙂