Archive for February, 2015

Finally found it

Posted: February 28, 2015 in Uncategorized

I finally felt at peace. I finally felt my soul become one with energy around me. I was so close to going down a dark path of trying to destroy the emptiness inside. I was really went to matchless to support a new and good friend. In the end I not only felt happy that I got to see him proform (comment is you know how to spell this) such amazing songs, I also was taken on a very vibrant trip. So many times I thought over working myself to death when help forget my pain. So many times I would become super happy and then suddenly become overly depressed. This time I felt finally alive. When I was younger it was fear that brought me to this day, and it’s what holding me back. I finally let my control go for a few moments and I was given something unbelievable. But what really made the magic even more special was that I made another new friend and I got to make someone else happy.

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New Hang Spot

Posted: February 28, 2015 in Uncategorized

I been to 3 different bars so far, and the 3rd is my favorite. The first one had more of a jazz smooth feel, but I felt out of place. The second is Suit 36, which is the mixer events. That place is cool and all, but not my taste. The 3rd is Matchless. I was so in my element that I was getting high off the music. The vibe was so intoxicating that my self control was lowers a bit. I was careful not to sound high. It has so much character, and it’s not something you would see on spike tv. I felt my energy level sky high. If only I wasn’t so tired I probably end up staying till daylight. It also made me realize how much energy I do have and I felt my soul finally at peace. I had a very happy moment. I like that type of energy, it’s so intoxicating that I need to take it in and focus bring my true colors to life.

March blog goals

Posted: February 25, 2015 in Uncategorized

To only post happy stuff, just a reminder that I have to change my emotions about life.

Insecurities

Posted: February 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

insecurity:
lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt

I’ve been insecure almost all my life or that I know of. This is probably one the reasons why I always try to find someone to be with or want a relationship. I guess I need to enjoy what I have, and embrace everything that comes my way. to go for goal I guess. Next things have to worry about is actually just having fun cuz I need to relax and enjoy myself.

Children characters: first draft

Posted: February 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

The concept is Nature

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Flower

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Clouds

Poem: Doubts

Posted: February 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

Everyday that passes
The reactions are mixed
One day I
Can stand the look in the mirror
And smile back
On the other
I can’t stomach
Those empty eyes
String back at me
I would have 2 weeks
Every month where I can’t
Fake the joy and excitement anymore
Where I finally
Break into pieces
And yet I force myself to
Work without thinking
On those days my eye site
Blurs and the world around me
For a second is no more
I wish I could
Blur the lines in the my world
And forget who I am
So I could enjoy
The bless of not knowing
What got me to this day
Is that what death feels like
A blur of reality
And the forgetfulness of one’s own life
The doubts that brought me here
Are the same as before
Who am I
And why do I feel so much pain

Research

Posted: February 20, 2015 in Uncategorized

sychotic depression, which occurs when a person has severe depression plus some form of psychosis, such as having disturbing false beliefs or a break with reality (delusions), or hearing or seeing upsetting things that others cannot hear or see (hallucinations).
(Ha! My childhood explained)
Bipolar disorder, also called manic-depressive illness, is not as common as major depression or persistent depressive disorder. Bipolar disorder is characterized by cycling mood changes—from extreme highs (e.g., mania) to extreme lows (e.g., depression).
(Me)
Want to know more: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder-in-adults/index.shtml

On a side note I’m getting back into my original love: character design 😀